Five Failed Geek Gadgets You Don’t Want for Christmas
It’s Christmas morning. Uncle Ray’s already hit the sauce but to hell with him, you’ve got presents waiting! You round the corner doing about 90 and slip on your pajamas. OK calm down, nothing can go wrong on Christmas. You completely disregard the family members who have greeted you and immediately start ripping open gifts. Oh it’s gone wrong, very wrong! Your technically challenged family bought you the worst five pieces of geek gadgetry they could find.
You told them RC car. You screamed it for days, weeks, months. The one that does all the flips, with the neon colors, that can go 35mph and is street legal. Nope. Flying cockroach it is.
You don’t understand the gift, were they trying to annoy themselves? For every half an hour charge at the docking station, you can fly the roach for five minutes. Good thing it only holds a five minute charge, you’ll be bored to tears by then anyway.
OK one down. Everyone makes mistakes! At least they didn’t get me socks this year, I specifically said no socks! You begin ripping through the bigger box; they usually hold the key. Wrapping paper aside you get that feeling you get right before you throw up. They got you a vase. Not just any vase though, a Japanese shouting vase.
You immediately rip it open and put it too good use, directly aiming it at your parents for their clear disregard of your wishes and Christmas list. The vase works great, perfect for yelling all the curse words they had no idea you knew. You wonder if there is any other function of the vase and immediately consult the all Japanese instructions for use.
You determine that there is no other use unless you have stars in your body that you need to regurgitate into the vase. At least if uncle Ray gets as tanked as he did last year he won’t throw up in the tree again, but inside your new Japanese yelling vase!
Ok there’s still a few more presents under there. Don’t panic. Maybe these are the joke gifts. You reach for a smaller package in your stocking. Man you love stocking stuffers, usually candy or a must-have trinket! You tear through the packaging like a hungry dog and see M&M’s! Score at least something you can eat. As you remove more wrapping paper you are yet again brought up and let down.